(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
(BUBBLING)
Aqualad, come in.
-Robin, I'm here.
-Get to the surface, ASAP!
-And bring lots of shrimp.
-And sharks?
Just shrimp!
I'll bring an army.
Titans, where's the threat?
Threat?
What are you taking about?
You said you needed me.
Yeah. To bring shrimp, thanks.
CYBORG: Shrimp fry is a go.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, no!
(ALL CHOMPING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
You gotta have some, bro.
These little guys
are so tasty.
That little guy
was my partner.
Sure, he was a loose cannon
but he always
got the job done.
(SHRIEKING)
Your partner is delicious!
Mmm. (CHOMPS)
So, your teammates,
they always eat
other people's friends?
Only when they're hungry.
Otherwise,
they're pretty cool.
Especially Raven.
Mmm. Mmm.
Mmm.
-You mean the little dude
with the hoodie?
-That's no dude, dude!
Hey!
Check it. (SCREAMING)
(GROANS) She's pretty dark,
which is cool.
But she's also got this
light inside her, you know.
(SIGHS) Too bad she's always
playing hard to get.
I'm gonna talk to her.
Would you?
I could totally
use a wing man.
-Hey, there.
-(GASPS) What?
Do it wingman,
make me look good.
Your cloak
is absolutely stunning.
-What?
It really highlights
those gorgeous eyes.
Please, stop talking.
Yeah, stop talking, dude!
I can tell, you're not
like everybody else.
What you're doing here,
it's not gonna work.
And even if it did,
you couldn't handle this.
(SHRIEKING)
I can be pretty intense.
Tonight, you, me and the sea.
(BUBBLING)
Whatever.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What just happened?
Aqualad just asked
Raven out in front of you.
That was cold.
But it's your fault
for trusting a pirate.
Yeah, what, what?
Why would you think
he's a pirate, Cyborg?
Dude, comes from the ocean.
-And?
-And he's a pirate!
Tell him, Star!
I do not know
what the pie rat is.
(CYBORG SCREAMING)
Girl, you are crazy!
A pirate is a swashbucklin',
eye patch wearin',
peg leg havin',
nasty beard,
parrot on the shoulder,
walk the plank, sand,
treasure huntin',
fancy talking buccaneer.
Oh!
And you just saw one
steal Beastie's girl.
Pirate stole my girl!
(SCREAMS) No!
Mmm. Mmm.
(RUMBLING)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(TURTLE GRUNTING)
Hey, guys. Where's Raven?
She's probably in...
He has no idea
what you're sayin'.
You have to speak
his language.
Argh!
She be three doors down
on ye starwort side, matey.
So, down the hall?
Aye, matey.
Ooh, only the true pirate
would understand
such strange words.
(GROANS)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-What?
-We had a date.
I never said yes.
Yet, here you are.
Uh, you're standing
right on that
turtle's eyeball.
(GROANING)
He'll be fine.
They're very resilient.
-Seriously, you're always
standing on sea creatures.
-Shh!
You don't need to be nervous.
I'm not nervous.
You just don't know
what you're getting
into with me.
I have a dark side.
I heard.
-Can I show you something?
-Ew! Back it up.
Relax.
Oh, thanks.
RAVEN: So, what did you
want to show me?
This.
(EPIC MUSIC PLAYING)
So, what?
I'm supposed to fall for you
because you show
me some dancing fish?
Oh, look, they're so adorable!
It's like a musical
is about to break out!
So romantic, I've to kiss
your face. Ugh!
Just wait.
(SHARKS GROWLING)
(SCREAMING)
(GASPING)
-Oh, that was...
-Intense?
Circle of life, baby.
I thought you'd like it.
I can't believe this.
That for the first time,
I feel like someone gets me.
You should wear
your hood down more often.
Thanks.
Well, I better, uh...
Yeah.
(BUZZING)
(AQUALAD SCREAMING)
What?
Lay off my girl is what!
Raven wants someone
who can match her intensity.
I can be intense.
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMS) Intensity!
I need a nap!
(YAWNS) Just...
Just lay off my girl, okay?
(SNORING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
I have never seen you
look so adorable, Raven.
Do you have the date?
Just hangin' out with Aqualad.
Quick question.
Has he shown you
his pirate booty yet?
(GIGGLING)
(CLEARS THROAT) No.
See, he's not a pirate.
That remains to be seen.
(GRUNTING)
What are you doing?
(SIGHS)
I'm just trying
to be intense, Raven.
For you.
Okay, that's not intense.
In fact Beast Boy,
you are the opposite
of intense.
(SNORING)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
-Ready, Raven?
-Ah!
Hey, Aqualad.
I got something
you might like.
-(SQUAWKS)
-A parrot?
(SQUAWKING)
He looks so natural
upon your shoulder.
(SQUAWKING)
See! See!
Ye, old pirate detector.
Now, thar be a pirate.
-(SQUAWKS)
-Anyway, I thought we could
drop by the piranha grounds,
check out all the skeletons?
-That sounds nice.
-(SCREECHING)
Raven, don't go!
Step aside you little goblin.
Goblin!
(EXPLOSION)
Well, you smell like fish!
Listen, little green face,
you're adorable
and the opposite of who
Raven wants to be with.
I don't understand
why any girl would
ever look at you!
Have you seen me, goblin?
You think you're big?
Well, I can turn
into a dinosaur.
Yes, turn into a dinosaur,
all the girls love dinosaurs.
Stop! Stop!
I don't want you
fighting over me.
I'm sorry, of course not.
Unless it's to the death!
What?
To the death!
I'll check out
those skeletons
with whoever wins.
-Now, fight!
-(BELL RINGS)
Look, I really like you,
but I am not going
to fight him to the...
-Huh?
-(SCREAMING)
(AQUALAD SCREAMING)
(CRUNCHES)
(GROWLING)
You're not gonna fight back?
(AQUALAD SCREAMING)
AQUALAD: Come on!
Why are you eating my eye?
No! Not my hand!
Get him off of me!
All right, all right
enough Beast Boy.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GROANS)
You are dark, woman!
(SCREAMING)
Yeah.
Why did he not use
his pie rat sword?
I was wonderin'
the same thing.
Perhaps I was wrong.
(SCANNING)
-This is no pirate.
-(BEEPING)
I told you he wasn't a pirate.
We should get him
to a hospital.
(SIREN BLARING)
So, mama, wanna check out
those skeletons now?
-I said, to the death!
-Uh.
No! I knew I should have
gone for the throat.
(GRUNTING)
(SCREAMING)
Still, that was
pretty intense,
you little goblin.
(SNORING)
(MACHINE BEEPING)
(SCREAMING)
(SQUAWKS)
(CRASHING)
(GASPS)
(VIDEO GAME PLAYING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
Titans, crime is afoot!
I always thought
crime was a leg, bro. What!
No, man.
If crime was anything
it would be a hand.
-Oh!
-(SCREECHING)
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Not another word from you two.
(CHUCKLES) Crime is a leg.
-Good one.
-Pay attention!
There has been a rash
of crimes in and around
Jump City.
And the only possible way
to stop them is...
(TSKING)
A stakeout.
(GRUNTING)
Ooh, what is the stakeout?
Only the best way
to fight crime, Star!
♪ Stakeout!
♪ Hidin' out in cars
♪ Stakeout!
♪ Pizza, chocolate bars
♪ Stakeout!
♪ Stayin' up real late
♪ Stakeout!
♪ Puke up what you ate
♪ Stakeout!
♪ It's just what we do
♪ Stakeout!
♪ Shaggy, Scooby doo
♪ Stakeout!
♪ Spot a creepin' dude
♪ Stakeout! ♪
♪ Bust the creepin' dude ♪
Stop! It is none of
those things, Star.
Criminals have secrets
and it's our job
to ferret them out,
through surveillance.
Secrets? Who has secrets?
This is going to be
a two man operation.
Minus one man, plus one woman.
The man, handsome, strong,
intense, great hair.
The woman,
innocent, beautiful,
and in need of guidance.
BOTH: We're in!
(SCREAMING)
No, no, no! You are not in.
You two are terrible
at stakeouts.
I see you.
(CROONS) I see you, too.
(CHOMPING)
BEAST BOY: I still see you.
Also, there is no stakeout.
What?
The "stakeout" is just
a way for me to be
alone with Starfire.
The only crime tonight
will be the theft of a kiss,
stolen by me,
from Starfire, on my face,
right here.
Okie dokie.
Why don't you just
ask her out,
on a date?
I have explored that option.
Hey, Starfire,
you want to go on a date?
No, thank you.
A stakeout will be perfect.
By the end of the evening,
lips on lips
will be happening.
Congratulations, Starfire.
You have been
selected for your keen
observational skill
and strawberry scent.
-Let's go.
-Hurray!
Dude, is it true?
Are we bad at stakeouts?
Yes and everything else.
-Hey, where are you going?
-None of your business.
Man, girl has so many secrets.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Stakeout!
Okay, Star,
there are three rules
to a classic stakeout.
Rule one, locate a den
of criminal activity.
-(OWL HOOTING)
-(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
What crimes would
occur here, Robin?
Crimes of passion.
(SHIVERS)
Rule two,
indirect observation.
Use a reflective surface
to observe your surroundings.
A mirror, a car window,
my eyes.
Rule three, I love you.
What was the rule three?
Concealment.
Observe without
being observed.
Now, keep looking
into my eyes.
(GASPS) I see something
in the eyes.
ROBIN: Is it a house,
picket fence,
two point five kids,
a yard, cocker spaniel,
dinner parties on the weekend
with friends?
STARFIRE: No! It's shiny!
Could this be the clue?
-Mmm, not likely,
back to rule two.
-(SHATTERING)
The eyes.
(GASPS)
(STRAINING)
(RAVEN SCREAMS)
No, it's happening again.
If the others
knew my secret...
Ooh, did you hear that?
Her secret must be
so embarrassing.
Then it can only be
one thing, bro.
A secret crush.
And it's probably you.
(CLEARS THROAT) No doubt.
That's what she was
writing in that diary.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Dear diary,
Beast Boy is so handsome,
I wanna kiss his pretty face.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
I can't wait to read
the juicy details.
Hmm, the words are moving.
Oh!
(BUZZING)
You're holding it
upside down, dummy.
(SCREAMING)
I never knew the Steak House
was made for stakeouts.
And for make outs.
-What?
-Nothing.
I am learning
so much from you, Robin.
But are we not
breaking rule three?
The concealment.
It's called,
hiding in plain sight.
But I get it,
you want to go somewhere
we can be alone.
I do.
But first, you must excuse me
while I put on my face.
Oh, yes!
Lips to lips
is finally happening!
-STARFIRE: I am ready!
-(SCREAMS) What?
Why, hello.
I am The Jeff.
Ta-da!
Nice to meet you.
Rule three, the concealment.
(GIGGLES)
Look what The Jeff has found.
Pom, pom, pom!
Come, Robin.
Crime is the foot.
-(COUGHING)
-(BUZZING)
Man, we spend all that
time in her room
and we didn't find out
if I was her secret crush.
-(SPITS)
-It is because
we went in cold.
Then let's warm it up, bro.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Stakeout, uh!
-(DINGS)
-Double stakeout, uh-uh!
BOTH: Stakeout, stakeout,
uh-uh-uh!
We're ready to go back in.
Another one.
It was buried under
the discarded corn chowder.
(GULPS)
(SNIFFING)
(SIGHS) What have I done?
Your strawberry scent
is gone forever.
The trail of these
unnatural crystals
is no coincidence.
(SIGHS) I have to come clean.
-Starfire...
-(WHISPERS) Robin.
The concealment. (MOCK COUGHS)
I am The Jeff.
Indirect observation.
(GROANING)
Jeff, you have corn
in your mustache.
-(DOOR CLOSES)
-Did you see that?
The crime's afoot-ing.
Listen, Star.
The only crime
is I haven't been honest...
Dr. Light?
Robin, welcome,
come in, come in.
What evilness are you
up to this time, Dr. Light?
Evilness, no!
Crystal chandeliers.
It's a passion of mine.
One can't be evil
all the time.
Chandeliers of death.
What? No, no, no.
It's the art of light.
Come, let me show you.
I call this one,
The Pain of Defeat.
And here we have,
Foiled Again.
And this is one
of my personal favorites,
I'll Get You Next Time.
And this one,
I just call, Titans.
(LICKING)
You see the colors,
they match your outfits.
Crystals of crime.
Who's the new guy?
Seems a little unhinged.
I am The Jeff.
ROBIN: Chandelier death rays!
Ha!
Ooh, crushed by
The Pain of Defeat.
You'll pay for this, Jeff.
The world can never
see this part of me.
Man, why doesn't she
want anyone to know
she likes me?
Because it sounds
like she's got it bad
for you, bro.
(HOARSELY)
I must cleanse myself
of darkness.
Azarath Metrion Zinthos.
(SCREAMS)
I can't see anything.
And I can't hear anything
over the cries from these
lost souls.
(WAILING)
Bro, our stakeout's
on the line.
(GRUNTING)
(BOTH SCREAM)
Dude, we missed it?
Na-uh, I snapped a photo.
We'll know exactly
what her secret is.
That's a picture of me, Cy.
You know what that means.
-Bro, she is crushing
so hard on you, bro!
-(CHUCKLES)
BOTH: We are stakeout kings!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
STARFIRE:
What a thrilling adventure.
My first stakeout
was a great success.
You know it's funny, I brought
you out here tonight
to trick you into kissing me.
-What?
-But instead,
I learned a lesson.
It took your Jeff disguise,
and the smell of rancid
corn chowder for me
to realize it,
but besides being kind,
sweet and the love of my life,
you are a great detective.
You tracked Dr. Light
to his lair
using all three rules
to a classic stakeout.
I'm proud of you.
I could not have
done it without
your guidance, partner.
-Robin?
-Yes?
New rule!
-You do not mess with
The Jeff!
-(EXPLOSION)